I don't even really know how the quarrel started....oh wait...yes I do....the bitch said I have herpes!!!!!
In the beginning of course things were awkward around the ex wife. I was living with her ex husband, in their former house, helping out with her kids. I tried to be really careful as to not step on her toes and just kept my distance. I also put in a pretty good effort at making things as pleasant as possible with her. When she would come to pick up or drop off the children I would always say "Hi, how are you?" to which I would receive "Fine!" in return. But, still things weren't that bad. I would welcome her into the house and things were getting to the point where they weren't quite as awkward when we are all around each other. Then one random day it all came crashing down....
I love to bake, and the children love to help me :) Of course they would always ask to take some of the cookies they helped make, back to their moms. We would always let them, not seeing an issue with that. Well, one day she was in one of her "moods" and got into a huge fight with my fiancé. Let me clarify when I say "moods." It's suspected by my fiancé and his family members that she might be bipolar. She is up and down, left and right so much and so fast it gives you whip-lash!! Her biological father committed suicide when she was a young girl. Unfortunately her mother passed away by mixing too many of the wrong substances. She's had a tough life with a family history of mental illness. Myself, I suffer from anxiety and have had depression in the past. Mental/emotional illness is no joke and can be very difficult to deal with. I received counseling for almost 10 years and still go occasionally to this day. I was able to manage my mental illness. I think anyone struggling with such issues should receive the help they need. I am very empathetic to these issues. I have no tolerance for those who do nothing about it and choose to take out their issues and aggression on the world. Anyways on a night she was in a "mood" out of nowhere she starts accusing us of having a dirty home "because the children's socks were dirty when they came back." She said they always throw away "those nasty cookies she bakes." AND....I have genital herpes which is how the youngest boy started to get cold sores.....REALLY BITCH?! REALLY?? Well at that point I said, that's it! I was no longer going to try to be nice, to give her any sort of credit for being a decent human being, and I lost what tiny bit of respect I had for her. You must understand that from the very beginning she was always causing problems. She was always mad about something. Accusing my fiancé's family of giving her dirty looks, demanding extra money from my fiancé or she wouldn't let him see the children on extra days, things of that nature. When she was mad she would threaten to try and raise his child support or try to take away some of his custody...I know real classy of her right? It's not as if we are perfect, because trust me we aren't, nor do we pretend to be. My fiancé would get mad and yell at her and argue...but he NEVER and I mean NEVER would involve the children in any sort of way. But, that was her specialty.
I was always able to brush off her antics and not become emotionally involved in her bullshit because it was never directed towards me. That moment that she drug me into her drama is the moment that I became emotionally involved...it's been a struggle ever since.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
It all started....
It all started a little over three years ago. I was in my mid 20's, single, and loving it. I had a good job, great friends, and just had a blast. I had a habit of dating boys (yes boys, not men) who were just getting out of relationships. I had that sort of subconscious need to find boys that needed to be "fixed." I would be everything their ex wasn't. I would fill that void that was left in their heart and show them things she never could! I would take care of them, cook for them, do their laundry. I would let them live with me rent free while they worked at odd jobs making less money than me, and sit around and smoke pot in all of their free time. I think you get my drift....After a while of this I had made a vow to myself that I would NEVER allow myself to be in relationship like that again. I would be with a man who was "whole" and didn't need to be fixed. And then I met him....and everything would change, more than I could ever imagine.
I had known who he was since the 7th grade. He was your typical bad boy all through out junior high and high school. He smoked cigarettes, got in fights, and always had a new girlfriend. I was a cheerleader and a virgin with braces :) Needless to say we never made any sort of communication in school. He got into trouble and was sent away before graduation. I knew he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant shortly after he returned (we live in a small town). Several years later they married and that's all I ever really knew of him.
It was most definitely fate (and God) that brought us together. Incidentally we met through the brother of my ex boyfriend. He was still married and I didn't see him as anything other than the married friend of a friend. I couldn't help but notice that first night we officially met, that I always felt his eyes on me...but again he was married and it didn't matter to me, and was in fact a little awkward. After that night we went our separate ways. A few weeks later I received a text from saying he got my number from our mutual friend. Knowing his reputation from school and still being under the impression he was married I was FURIOUS. I was very short with him and basically said I didn't want a whole lot to do with him, I called up the friend and gave him a piece of my mind. His reply was, "he's getting divorced" to which my reply was "well he can talk to me when his divorce is final" thinking that would be a TOTAL repeat of everything I was trying to stay away from.
Well as fate would have it about two weeks later we ran into each other again...as terrible as it sounds at a bar. He saw me sit down and although he was talking to someone else he stared at me the entire time. He shortly walked over to me and started explaining that he didn't want me to think he was some cheating scum bag, and that he was getting a divorce. I immediately ripped his hand from his pocket and he exclaimed "what are you doing?!" I replied "checking to see if you are wearing your wedding ring" which he wasn't.
Let me just tell you that night was FULL of drama...some of which I don't need to get into. The one important detail is that when we drove from one bar to the next his soon to be ex wife had seen his truck and decided to follow us, which we were unaware of. My friend, him, and I got out of his truck and started walking in the bar when all of a sudden we hear "you f****ing asshole!" Which any soon to be ex wife would naturally be upset to see her soon to be ex husband walking into a bar with two females...but one other minor detail is that she had an affair. I should have known right then and there that this bitch was going to be nothing but drama...but it was only the beginning.
After that first night we were basically inseparable. Neither of us meant to fall in the love the way we did but it was clearly out of our control. It didn't happen over night, and in fact right before the divorce was final his ex wife made a final plea to try and get him to work things out. I was ready to bow out of the relationship gracefully at that point. If he was even considering working things out with his ex-wife, then I didn't want anything to do with him. I had told him we needed to talk and I was going over to his house that night to let him know....he then explained before I told him whatever I needed to, he wanted me to know he had no desire to work things out with ex wife. She had cheated and he could never look at her the same way again, he had thought it over because he had to consider keeping his family together (they had two small children together). He wanted me and that was the end. A bumpy beginning...I should have known that the road we were about to travel down would be full of nothing but treacherous potholes, an immense amount of detours and obstacles, consist of getting lost quite frequently.
I had known who he was since the 7th grade. He was your typical bad boy all through out junior high and high school. He smoked cigarettes, got in fights, and always had a new girlfriend. I was a cheerleader and a virgin with braces :) Needless to say we never made any sort of communication in school. He got into trouble and was sent away before graduation. I knew he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant shortly after he returned (we live in a small town). Several years later they married and that's all I ever really knew of him.
It was most definitely fate (and God) that brought us together. Incidentally we met through the brother of my ex boyfriend. He was still married and I didn't see him as anything other than the married friend of a friend. I couldn't help but notice that first night we officially met, that I always felt his eyes on me...but again he was married and it didn't matter to me, and was in fact a little awkward. After that night we went our separate ways. A few weeks later I received a text from saying he got my number from our mutual friend. Knowing his reputation from school and still being under the impression he was married I was FURIOUS. I was very short with him and basically said I didn't want a whole lot to do with him, I called up the friend and gave him a piece of my mind. His reply was, "he's getting divorced" to which my reply was "well he can talk to me when his divorce is final" thinking that would be a TOTAL repeat of everything I was trying to stay away from.
Well as fate would have it about two weeks later we ran into each other again...as terrible as it sounds at a bar. He saw me sit down and although he was talking to someone else he stared at me the entire time. He shortly walked over to me and started explaining that he didn't want me to think he was some cheating scum bag, and that he was getting a divorce. I immediately ripped his hand from his pocket and he exclaimed "what are you doing?!" I replied "checking to see if you are wearing your wedding ring" which he wasn't.
Let me just tell you that night was FULL of drama...some of which I don't need to get into. The one important detail is that when we drove from one bar to the next his soon to be ex wife had seen his truck and decided to follow us, which we were unaware of. My friend, him, and I got out of his truck and started walking in the bar when all of a sudden we hear "you f****ing asshole!" Which any soon to be ex wife would naturally be upset to see her soon to be ex husband walking into a bar with two females...but one other minor detail is that she had an affair. I should have known right then and there that this bitch was going to be nothing but drama...but it was only the beginning.
After that first night we were basically inseparable. Neither of us meant to fall in the love the way we did but it was clearly out of our control. It didn't happen over night, and in fact right before the divorce was final his ex wife made a final plea to try and get him to work things out. I was ready to bow out of the relationship gracefully at that point. If he was even considering working things out with his ex-wife, then I didn't want anything to do with him. I had told him we needed to talk and I was going over to his house that night to let him know....he then explained before I told him whatever I needed to, he wanted me to know he had no desire to work things out with ex wife. She had cheated and he could never look at her the same way again, he had thought it over because he had to consider keeping his family together (they had two small children together). He wanted me and that was the end. A bumpy beginning...I should have known that the road we were about to travel down would be full of nothing but treacherous potholes, an immense amount of detours and obstacles, consist of getting lost quite frequently.
A little bit about me....
I have created this blog as a resource for myself and others to emotionally connect and release, through the power of the written word. I am soon to be a new wife and stepmom and would like to share my struggles and experiences with anyone willing to listen. If in fact, no one subscribes to my blog it will be, in the very least, a mechanism for me to release my emotions in an anonymous way. I hope to reach out to others who have struggled with this same circumstance, and let them know they are not alone. Being a stepmom/parent is not easy...especially when you are going to be spouse number two...and number one has had the power (and abused it) to make your life hell.....here we go!
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